Another Anniversary

Yep. Oct 14th 2000 is mine and Rebecca’s wedding anniversary. I never know what to do on these days. To me these days don’t feel like something I want to celebrate or lament or…anything really. However no matter how hard I try to ignore the fact that today is another significant day in mine and Rebecca’s history it always seems to surface to the forefront of my mind one way or another.

Yesterday I was writing a check for my daughter’s field trip and when I looked at the date I saw, October 13th. I thought, “Oh great, tomorrow is my anniversary.” Should I take flowers to her grave? How about I take a couple of days and head to Hawaii? Sounds good to me. Like I’ve said before I think the best thing for people to do when they are grieving is to do whatever comes natural (as long as it is safe and legal). Last year would have been mine and Becca’s 10 year anniversary. I had to work. After work I went and laid down next to her grave and had a long conversation with her. I took flowers and just enjoyed a long quiet conversation. It was actually really nice being at the cemetery late at night with no one around. It allowed me to speak openly—something I typically don’t do.

This reminds me. I’m not too much of a ritualistic type person. I like to go with what feels natural and right at the time. Going to Rebecca’s grave throughout the first year was nice. At times I could feel her close to me. Then as the second year approached I felt less of a desire to be there. I mean, I just don’t ‘feel’ her there anymore. I feel much closer to her when I am doing things to help our children—and quite frankly I think my being with our kids is exactly where she would want me to be.

One of the last times I was in the cemetery a scripture started playing in my mind. It doesn’t totally fit but I do believe it is appropriate. The scripture that comes to mind is one that is found in Luke 24:5. This is after Jesus had been crucified and was placed in the tomb. Saturday was the Sabbath and Sunday was the first chance that Mary Magdalene had to go and see the Savior’s tomb. When she arrived the guards were gone and the tomb was opened. When she looked in she began to weep. There were two men who asked her, “…why seek ye the living among the dead?” In this particular case Jesus was actually resurrected. His body and spirit had been reunited. As far as Rebecca goes, obviously her body will remain in the ground until the morning of the first resurrection. However her spirit dwells somewhere else.

Now it wasn’t my intent to go into any kind of deep theology. However I will say that it is because of my belief and I don’t really feel a great desire to continue going to the cemetery regularly. I feel close to Rebecca by going through pictures, reading her journal, sharing stories about her, smelling her perfume, going to places that she would like to have gone, working on our family biography. In fact today I will attend the temple in the morning. I’ll work on our family biography. Then tonight I will take the kids to Rebecca’s absolute favorite ice cream store. That to me sounds far more fulfilling and like a much better way of inviting Rebecca’s spirit into our home rather than taking a lawn chair to the cemetery.

People grieve in different ways. People may look at my method of dealing with my anniversary and think I’m a little loony. That’s okay. They can deal or not deal with their grief in any way they choose. This is just what feels right to me.