Olfaction

Of all the five senses it is the sense of smell that is the slowest for our brain to recognize. Yet at the same time certain smells stay with us the longest. In fact most biopsychologists agree that ‘smell memories’ seem to be stored in a different part of the brain than that of visual, hearing, taste and touch memories. This is why when we go ‘home’, wherever that might be, certain odors can bring back a flood of memories. When we have a smell memory our brain can release certain neurotransmitters to either attract us or repel us from certain environments, people, objects, etc. This is why, for example, when I return to a place like New York or West Virginia, places full of distinct smells, I can almost instantly be reminded of many different memories.

For me, this time of year has many smell memories—some good and others not good. The one in particular that seems to stand out the most is the smell of stargazers. They have a very distinct, powerful smell and this happens to be the time of year that they blossom. Rebecca carried stargazers when we got married. So every year while she was alive I could walk through a store and as soon as I smelled those stargazers I would have a pleasant moment of remembering our awesome wedding day.

When Rebecca passed away I had to choose which flower arrangements to have on her casket. Before even opening the book to look at all the flower arrangements I immediately asked the funeral director if he had an arrangement of stargazers. He did. So without ever looking at anything else I knew that was what I wanted over Rebecca’s casket.

As I said before, stargazers have a very distinct and strong smell. I remember standing over Rebecca’s casket looking down at her. I wanted to touch her face. I wanted to smell her hair. I wanted to kiss her lips. Of course I didn’t do any of that because that wasn’t Rebecca. All I could see was the shell of the person that used to be my wife. All I could smell were those stargazers.

I’m not sure what happened to the flowers that draped Becca’s coffin. I believe they were left at the cemetery. However when I came home after the funeral I remember stargazers being all over my house. For weeks I would come home and immediately be overwhelmed by the blast of the smell of stargazers as I walked through the front door. I’m certain that it is the very intense experience of having them at Becca’s funeral that created a new smell memory for me.

Now when I walk through a store, someone’s house, by a flower shop, anywhere that stargazers might be I am overcome with a wide range of emotions. I immediately want to cry. In an instant I am back at that moment, standing over my sweethearts coffin preparing to close the casket. To me it smells of death and of love. When I smell it you may think I want get away from it. However that is far from true. I’m drawn straight to it and usually stand there smelling the flowers for long moments. I’m sure to passersby I must look like a very strange person standing there in the middle of Costco (or wherever I happen to be) holding the flowers practically up my nose, eyes closed, taking large deep breaths. When I smell that flower I can just taste the memory.

I’ve met many widows who have talked about how they still keep their husband’s deodorant, cologne, soaps, toothpaste, old worn shirts, etc. For me though, the second most powerful smell that reminds me of Becca is that of her purse—how strange is that!! When I smell it though, I smell her makeup, her hair, her lotions, her spending money (I actually do miss that sometimes). There is just a wide array of different smells in her purse that remind me of her…I love it!!!

I do keep her body lotion, Allure by Chanel, in my truck. Whenever I am driving and want to have a memory of her I pull it out and take a deep breath. It offers a moment of satisfaction however nothing seems to be as strong as those stargazers.