A New Day

Sometimes it is hard for me to reconcile the dichotomy that I feel in my heart.  It’s been almost 4 years since Rebecca died.  I feel that my kids and I have worked through much of our grief in a healthy way.  We have become very close and found strength from each other to press on and enjoy life.

As I was driving home today I heard a song come on the radio that I hadn’t heard in many, many years.  It is One Sweet Day by Mariah Carrey.  Instantly I thought of Becca and just wept.   It is hard for me to justify the feelings of sadness and heartache that I feel, and probably always will feel, for my wife but then also to feel such strong feelings for Kristin, the girl I am currently dating.

A few months after Becca died I had this experience where I could hear her telling me, “Jared, it’s okay to get married again.  Just don’t love her more.  Just don’t think she is more pretty.  It’s okay though.”  I couldn’t help but laugh because that is probably exactly what Rebecca would say to me if she was sitting in front of me.

I feel so blessed to have these two magnificent women in my life, one on the other side of the veil who I can feel cheering me on and encouraging me, then another on this side of the veil who loves me and my children.  They are very different women but both carry wonderful and unique qualities that any man would be lucky to have in his home.  I am just fortunate to have both.